Friday, November 11, 2011

Is it meaningful?

How do you determine of something is meaningful?  Whether we refer to someone's occupation, hobby,  or charity of choice as being meaningful or simply contemplating the most VALUABLE way in which  we spend our time ( or what we may SPEND it ON) from moment to moment, remains elusive to many of us. The concept of what is valuable time spent engaged DOING as opposed to a waste of time remains subjective.

I may be entering into what some of you may refer to as SERIOUS talk now and perhaps both you and I expected this blog stuff to be lightherated and fun but I began thinking about how I have personally spent my time over the past 2 decades and the above questions  have slowly crept back into my thoughts as they always do but with a bit more force than usual.  What have I been doing for the last 20 years and is the question of WHY relevant in this ongoing dialogue I have been having with myself?

Why have I remarried, dedicated my time, full-time, to raising my children, having a third child in my mid 30's (o.k. I know it's perfectly acceptable and commonplace today to have children in the mid 30's)  and commit myself once again to being a full time homebound executive?  Why did I choose to reawaken the mommy in my when I had the opportunity to begin working outside of the home, especially since I had finlly learned to be independent, and had just then achieved the prestige and honor of a Masters level degree in Therapy? I could evaluate and question my motives and perhaps deceive myself in numerous ways but the truth of the matter is, I felt like doing it all again and wanted to do it RIGHT this time around.  I can hear my son freaking out at my last comment, as he is totally anti-establishment and the thought of me doing what is RIGHT, has to bring up images of the man (and woman) standing over me with fingers pointed and heads wagging in my direction, as I try to crawl away unnoticed,  from my RESPONSIBILITIES to do what is RIGHT. And you know what...he would be RIGHT except for the fact that truthfully, I wanted and happily chose to be a loving, devoted wife and mommy all over again and will never regret any of it, ever.

 At this point, I have only lived 1/2 of my years, g-d willing, and can continue to find meaningful aspirations and accomplishments along the way on my next leg of this journey we call life. And I am.
I have listened carefully and searched around me for the past 20 years (yes, during carpools and soccer games, and doctors visits and late nights with crying children)  really paying attention to the tiniest and the largest of ideas and sensations and have found meaningful pusuits and directions I want my newest life to take.  An incredible charitable cause, helping abused and neglected children, learning and sharing stories of artists and their work, partaking in creative classes and learning to be still and focused in meditation and yoga and finding and making time to nurture new friendships with women who are creative in their individual life choices. How fortunate I have been to have found a man, my husband, who has allowed me to pursue and peruse my dreams, ambitions and quirky habits in order to find meaning in my life each day.  I am so lucky to have Brad as my closest companion and truly the best friend I have ever known  by my side, encouraging and laughing with me each day of the past 20 years together; Our relationship is so, so meaningful to me.

O.k., so the converstaion ends for today as I have just exhausted myself in thought and emotion.  After all 20 years is a hell of a long time and I have accomplished so much, proudly and energized and have come this far unscathed and all grown up, ready for the adventures awaiting my arrival. Hope to see you having  your own meaningful encounters along the way. Oh, and please don't forget to do much of what you feel is RIGHT for you!

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Seed The Day!

"Seed the day" is my  mantra as I awaken each morning, exhausted,yet extremely excited for the first sign of inspiration which will  guide me for the rest of my day.  A daily cup (or three) of my red Rose or English Breakfast tea, highly sweetened and with a bit of milk, prepare my youngest child's breakfast and pack her lunch, sending her off to school and then read the newspaper in a sun-fillled home surrounded by exhilirating silence.

Why is the silence a source of euphoria for me, you may wonder as you read this.  Why would the realization that my youngest is 16, driving herself to her daily schedule of school and sports, not expecting any more of my mommy-ing until later in the evening so appelaing to me?  Why don't I feel lost, abandoned, useless or depressed?  After all, I am nearing my 52nd birthday, will become a first time grandmother to my eldest daughter's child in December, live 1,800 miles away from both her and my son, both who live in Montreal, Canada while I sit here completing my daily Jumble puzzle, in Almost always sunny, South Florida. Hey, I think I'm on to something here, I wonder if It's  all about the Jumble?

Similar to the Jumbles, I have all of these choices, opportunities and "seeds" at my disposal now and rather than feel confused and frustrated by these options, I simply make it my priority to sit in silence and unscramble this myriad of  scattered thoughts....taking tiny steps with tiny seeds in hand, in the direction of solving and resolving my life's newest collage.

Today, you find me in the process of "seeding" my days, enjoying the view, reviewing my assumptions and years of  societal and familial indoctrination as to who I am supposed to be. And in a not so organized or scheduled preparation of planting my own seeds, (ones which I alone have bred and nurtured, for 51 years), I am storing them safely away within, for the incredible and planting days ahead of me.
In the coming days and months I will share my story as I embark on a new journey, preparing my mind and spirit , making space for fertile thoughts, exploring my creative self,  and enthusiastically learning Everything I can about Anything that peaks my curiosity.

I hope you will join me and spend some silent time of your own, even if only momentarily, once or twice a day to explore who it is you want to be  and what you will be doing when you find yourself there in the days and years to come, regardless of any negativity which may enter your thoughts or daily stresses which may interfere with the loving thoughts or smiles you bring to your minds eye during your seeding moments.